Abuse and Control

Abuse

You may try to tear me down,
Turn my smile into a frown,
But you won’t hold the power over me.
I’ll go on and you will see
That I am a warrior,
And I will find the strength to soar.

Two major obstacles that can take a significant toll on emotional health are abuse and control because they often make the victims feel devalued. When considering healthy relationships, it is important to not let anybody cause you to feel inferior. Relationships are meant to be constructive, not destructive. There is a difference between compromising and being compromised. While compromising involves negotiation for the benefit of each party involved, being compromised is a one-way devaluation. Many times, people may find themselves in a less than desirable situation but not choose to walk away or seek help for various reasons, such as being afraid that the situation will get worse, feeling like they will be judged or that nobody will understand what they are going through, being insecure, suffering from a low self-esteem, and accepting that the way they are living is a norm of life. We must learn to respect and love ourselves, and we must be willing to stand up for ourselves. Within recent times, many people, including artists, are increasingly taking a stand against being taken advantage of and are letting victims know that they are not alone and can safely come forth with their testimonies. They are helping victims realize that betrayal, abuse, and other forms of devaluation should never be the norms by which people expect to live daily. It is important for people who find themselves to be victims of abusive or controlling situations to realize that there is help available and that there is hope but that they need to find their inner strength to take the first step, no matter how difficult it may seem, and remove themselves from the harmful situations. Effective relationships do exist, and they are built on respect, trust, love, and a genuine concern for others. Love is a growing process and, while no relationship is perfect, all effective relationships will strive to promote the well-being of the individuals involved.

Don’t tell me that you love me just to leave me in the dirt.
Don’t tell me you care, when your words cut me down and hurt.
Don’t tell me that you want me, ’cause it simply isn’t true.
Don’t tell me you respect me after all that we’ve been through.
There was a time I’d fight for you, I’d die for you.
There was a time you had my love and loyalty,

And when you kicked me down and got your thrills from watching me bleed,
Still I stuck by your side ’cause you were all I thought I’d need.
Don’t tell me how to feel ’cause you’ve had control way too long.
Don’t tell me that you never meant to hurt me and that my thoughts are wrong.

You thought you could leave me feeling scared and alone.
You thought you could slice me to my inner bone.
You thought you could take everything precious to me
And that I would be crying helplessly.
You brought me pain and you brought me strife,
But I’m more than the skin you can cut with a knife.
I have a heart and I have a soul,
And I refuse to give you the power or let you take control.
You may have brought me down to my knees but trust that I will rise.
You will not have the victory with your vicious ways and nasty lies.

I can’t begin to describe the hurt I feel inside
When I think of all that could have been
And how you chose to destroy me instead,
But I’m going to rise like a champion.
I’m going to fight for my life and I plan to win.
I won’t be weighed down by the fear or pain.
I’ll sing in the shower and I’ll dance through the rain.
And I’ll know that, through it all, I gave the best of me.
In this, I’ll find my victory.

FAQs

What are abuse and control?

Abuse is the devaluation of another being and is characterized by mistreatment which can be inflicted in a variety of forms, such as physical, verbal, sexual, and mental. Control is the usurping of one’s power or privilege to influence or force the decisions of another being. Both control and abuse are relentless and disrespectful acts that are detrimental to the health of the victims.

Why might people seek to abuse and/or control others?

While it is imperative to recognize that there is absolutely no justifiable reason to abuse or control beings, some of the reasons that people might abuse or control others may include a desire to displace their own low self-esteem onto others, a hunger for power, a fear of instability, and resentment. Some previous victims of abuse and/or control might also commit these despicable acts due to being ensnared in the cycle.

What are the implications of abuse and control?

Although the implications of abuse and control are vast and can differ on an individual basis, some common implications include a low self-esteem, a decrease in strength, and a loss of identity. Victims may also feel violated and alone. They may lose their faith in humanity and experience overwhelming feelings of despair.

What should people do if they find themselves to be victims of abuse and/or control?

First and foremost, victims need to realize that they are not alone in their situations and that they are not to blame for the situations that they are encountering. They need to remove themselves from the situation as soon as possible and be willing to receive help from individuals they can trust, such as friends or family members, support groups which consist of people who have undergone similar situations, or organizations aimed to help them attain a new beginning. While it may be difficult to know who to trust, it is important that they surround themselves with people who genuinely care about their well-being and have their best interests in mind. Additionally, being willing to listen to the advice of others may help them view their circumstances from a new perspective and use their struggle to build strength.

Will an abusive and/or controlling situation improve on its own?

While it may be possible for abusive and/or controlling situations to improve on their own, they are often cyclic and rarely improve without professional intervention.

What are some of the reasons that victims may find themselves staying in an abusive and/or controlling situation?

There are several reasons why victims might choose not to seek immediate intervention. First, low self-esteem can often make them feel like they somehow deserve the treatment, but it is imperative that they realize their worth and recognize that they deserve better. Additionally, guilt can stagnate their decision to act; they may feel like they should remain in the situation since they chose to enter the relationship. Yet, nothing ever warrants abuse or control. Moreover, they may feel like they can do something within their power to change the situation; however, without the proper help, these situations often become worse, not better.

How can music help victims of abuse and/or control?

Music helps victims realize that they are not powerless as the lyrics found within many songs share how others have been able to overcome similar situations. Music also assists victims in building the strength necessary to walk away from the abusive and/or controlling situations which they are confronting and consider the options they have available for receiving help.

Suggested Songs

  • Addicted – Kelly Clarkson
  • Back To You – Louis Tomlinson ft. Bebe Rexha & Digital Farm Animals
  • Bird Set Free – Sia
  • Break Free – Ariana Grande ft. Zedd
  • Fighter – Christina Aguilera
  • Fire Away – Chris Stapleton
  • Freedom – Nathan Sykes
  • Hold On – Wilson Phillips
  • I Can Fly – Lana Del Rey
  • I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
  • Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri
  • Listen – Beyoncé Knowles
  • Love the Way You Lie – Eminem ft. Rihanna
  • Never No More – Aaliyah
  • Remind Me to Forget – Kygo ft. Miguel
  • Roar – Katy Perry
  • Skyscraper – Demi Lovato
  • Stronger – Britney Spears
  • Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) – Kelly Clarkson
  • Survivor – Destiny’s Child
  • Warrior – Demi Lovato
  • Yes Girl – Bea Miller
  • You Don’t Own Me – Grace ft. G-Eazy

If you are are a victim of domestic violence, please consider contacting National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Please note that National Domestic Violence Hotline is not affiliated with Inspire 4 A Lifetime, LLC and has neither sponsored nor endorsed Inspire 4 A Lifetime, LLC.

If you are a victim of sexual assault, please consider contacting RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). Please note that RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network) is not affiliated with Inspire 4 A Lifetime, LLC and has neither sponsored nor endorsed Inspire 4 A Lifetime, LLC.